So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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