The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
