So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
