I accidentally burped into my bong.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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