dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize