sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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