I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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