I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
