omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
