dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
