he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
