Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
