i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
