i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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