she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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