The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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