we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
