I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
