Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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