if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
