Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
