you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
