im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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