I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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