Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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