someone threw a dead crab at me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
