It's Friday. Sex?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
