i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
