There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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