end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
