tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
