Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
