Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
