My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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