dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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