His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
