its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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