I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
