I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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