new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
