there's paper in my vomit.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize