Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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