if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
