can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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