So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
