Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
