this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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