Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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