Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
