They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
