apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
