Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
