It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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