I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
