goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
