we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
