I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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