who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
