I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
