All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
