Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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