My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
