New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
