So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize