he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
