I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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