I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
