I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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