if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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