is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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