I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
