her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
