I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
