So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
