what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
