Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
