you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
