Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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