i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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