Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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