He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
