Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
