Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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