I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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