is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
