I molested 6 butterflies tonight
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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