You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Randomize
