nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
