Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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