Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
