so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
