Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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