then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
