you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
