Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
