he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
