I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize