capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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