Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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