he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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