i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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