You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is the high leading the old right now
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
