Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
