Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
