Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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